Blogs- Diaries for everyone to read

You know, I didn't honestly think anyone was reading this... not anymore. What strikes me as odd is that the one person I know for sure has read it in the past few weeks is someone I have never met, or even talked to, although he does apparently live in the same town as I do. Maybe I would have met him had I gone to school here, and maybe not, but as it stands I have not, nor do I have any reason to believe I ever will. Ordinarily it would freak me out that a complete stranger knows my innermost thoughts, and admittedly at first it did, but then I caught myself following the link to this strangers blog, and reading his thoughts as well. I wonder if all this technology is for the best. It makes me feel like Im 6 years old again, sneaking into my big sisters room to find her diary, and looking over my shoulder to make sure Im not caught. At the same time I see this as a tool, a way to find catharsis and even, occaisionally, receive some needed advice from an unbiased observer. so, for anyone out there reading who does not know me, and even those who do, comment away. And thank you again, stranger, for giving me reason to continue typing away and an audience to type to. I am a glutton for attention, shhh dont tell anyone.

Angel Eyes, as performed by the Jeff Healy Band

Girl, you're looking fine tonight,
and every guy has got you in his sights
What you're doing with a clown like me,
is surely one of life's little mysteries

So tonight I'll ask the stars above,
"How did I ever win your love?"
What did I do?
What did I say,
to turn your angel eyes my way?

Well, I'm the guy who never learned to dance,
never even got one second glance
Across a crowded room was close enough,
I could look but I could never touch

So tonight I'll ask the stars above,
"How did I ever win your love?"
What did I do?
What did I say,
to turn your angel eyes my way?

Don't anyone wake me,
if it's just a dream
'Cause she's the best thing,
that's ever happened to me

All you fellows, you can look all you like,
but this girl, you see, she's leavin' here with me tonight

There's just one more thing that I have to know,
if this is love why does it scare me so?
It must be something only you can see,
'cause girl I feel it when you look at me

So tonight I'll ask the stars above,
"How did I ever win your love?"
What did I do?
What did I say,
to turn your angel eyes my way?

Yay for Mike

I know I know, it's been a week. Bad Andi. Anyway... All is well with me, life is good. Mike never ceases to amaze me. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him, but more importantly I can't see myself spending the rest of my life without him. I finally found what I've been looking for all my life, and there is no way in hell I am going to let him go. Things are great at home, and at the bar. School is out for the summer, and I look forward to Mike's visit at the end of June. Im supposed to go to my dad's sometime in July, but it will have to be after mike goes back to oklahoma. I am not missing any time with him. After that hopefully I get to go to oklahoma in August to see him again. and then who knows. Im actually happy, which is wonderful and amazing and a little scary all at once. It's a new experience for me to be with someone who occupies ALL of my waking thoughts. Tim came close, but those thoughts were more along the lines of worrying about who else he was sleeping with. So I guess the new experience is being with someone who pleasantly occupies all of my waking thoughts. yup, that's it. I am insanely happy. That's all for now.

Blah

not much going on with me... all quiet on the homefront so to speak. Im actually in a happy relationship, which is a pretty cool situation, although doesn't make for a whole lot of news, things are going well with family, my grades were basically good, all is well at the bar. It's a good week.

Save A Horse, Ride a Cowboy By Big and Rich

Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy
~Big and Rich


(intro)
DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DAA-DAAAAA
DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DE-DUM-DE-DE-DUM, DE-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAA-DAAAA!

Well, I walk into the room
Passing out hundred dollar bills
And it kills and it thrills like the horns on my Silverado grill
And I buy the bar a double round of crown
And everybody's getting down
An' this town ain't never gonna be the same.

(Chorus:)
Cause I saddle up my horse
and I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the girls
They are so pretty
Riding up and down Broadway
on my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

Well I don't give a dang about nothing
I'm singing and Bling- Blanging
While the girls are drinking
Long necks down!
And I wouldn't trade ol' Leroy
or my Chevrolet for your Escalade
Or your freak parade
I'm the only John Wayne left in this town

And I saddle up my horse
and I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the girls
They are so pretty
Riding up and down Broadway
on my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy



(Spoken:)
I'm a thourough-bred
that's what she said
in the back of my truck bed
As I was gettin' buzzed on suds
Out on some back country road.
We where flying high
Fining, whine, having ourselves a good and rich time
And I was going, just about as far as she'd let me go.
But her evaluation
of my cowboy reputation
Had me begging for slavation
all night long
So I took her out kicking frogs
Introduced her to my old bird dog
And sang her every Wilie Nelson song I could think of

And we made love
And I saddled up my horse
and I ride into the city
I make a lot of noise
Cause the girls
They are so pretty
Riding up and down Broadway
on my old stud Leroy
And the girls say
Save a horse, ride a cowboy.
Everybody says
Save a horse, Ride a cowboy

What? What?
Save A Horse Ride A Cowboy
Everybody says
Save a Horse Ride a cowboy.

Fishing and The HoeDown

Ok, some follow up on my insane and unreasonable moment of jealousy... It was, as I said it probably was, completely unfounded (once again, thank you Tim, for my suspicion issues) He was fishing with friends. It was so good to hear his voice last night it didnt even occur to me to get pissed off about waking up to that obnoxious ringtone at 1 am... I was only half asleep anyway, and worried like you wouldn't believe about what was going on with him... I had no trouble fallin asleep after the call. So, crisis out of the way I can talk about the fun shit I did... I went to hoedown, Kid Rock showed up, sang one song, and you'd have thought God descended on the stage and told all present they had a reserved space in heaven, those people freaked out like you wouldn't believe. Now I understand he's from the area, and therefore the hometown hero, but ya know... that was just insane. Tracy Byrd put on a good show, so did Buddy Jewell... Josh Turner just kinda stood there, but thats ok cuz hes hot and has the most amazing voice (yup yup, swoon over the tenors, go home with the basses). Sorry honey, if you read this... but its an old choir joke. anyway.... Big and Rich are probably the best performers I have seen in a long time, they just had so much energy and you could tell they REALLY believed in what they were doing... besides, you cant go wrong with a song called save a horse, ride a cowboy. hehehe I been sayin that for years, bout damn time someone wrote a song to that effect.

Fear

I tried to call Mike at 9:30, and his roommate told me he was gone for the night, and probably into the morning as well... I'm sure I've got no reason for it, but that scares the hell out of me (thank you, Tim, for my horrible tendency towards suspicion)... aside from that there was good news tonight at the bar. M. decided he wasn't going to go to hoedown, leaving a backstage pass for Tracy Byrd available... so Reggie asked me if I wanted to go... Tracy is my favorite, hell yeah I want to go. So Im leaving tomorrows soft ball game early and heading to Detroit with Reggie. I get to meet Tracy Byrd... hehehehehhehehehe this is what a happy Andi looks like... or would be if it weren't for the worrying over Mike thing. I don't know if it's just that he has duty that is for some reason an overnight thing, or what.. maybe he's just pissed that I didn't call him back last night, I don't know. I do know that it's scaring the hell out of me... I love him, but I can't seem to get over my fears, especially when he is in Oklahoma and Im here... how would I ever know? It's driving me nuts, so I think I should just go to bed. yup, that's what Im gonna do.

Ok, last night was interesting. I was at the bar when I got a phone call from a friend asking if I wanted to go to a small party, ya know, somewhere I can drink. I agreed and dropped the truck off at home (no drinking and driving for me). so I got there, had a lil too much to drink, and reached the oh so attractive puking stage... yup, that was nice. I could barely walk to get back to the car. When I got home I crawled into the front seat of the suburban and passed out for a couple hours cuz I didn't want to go inside and let my lil brother and sister see me in this condition. As soon as I did go inside, I just went to bed. I realized this morning that somewhere in between the battery on the phone dying and my getting puke ass drunk I was supposed to call Mike back... Now I can't even get ahold of him to know if he's pissed that I didn't call. meanwhile I woke up this morning with my first ever hangover, and then had to clean house like a mad woman cuz the whole family was supposed to come over for my lil brother and sisters birthday. Only one aunt showed up, but dammit the house was spotless! I miss mike, and Im terrified that he's mad at me, Lord knows being puke drunk is not a good reason not to call, especially when I really shouldn't have been getting drunk in the first place. I feel so bad, and it only makes it worse that I havent REALLY gotten to talk to him more than a hi, how are ya? for 2 days. Im losing it here. *sniff sniff* and I still feel like hell.... Im NEVER getting that drunk again (I know I know, I have said that before, but this time I mean it) That's all for now, Im gonna head for the bar in a few minutes... I miss Mike.

I woke up at 6:30 this morning... anyone who knows me probably had to reread that, and then assumed it's a typo, but it is not. Of course I passed out again at about 11, but that was completely unintentional. I miss Mike. I got an email from my best friend's fiancee.. that was odd, I haven't heard from him in ages... he wanted to know pretty much everything that has gone on since I left Napa, has decided that he approves of Mike, and wants me to go back to California. I want to go back too, just not to live, I told him this, and he wasn't happy. We'll see what happens. That's about all, it has been a boring day.

Why aint I running
~Garth Brooks


I can hear that highway calling
As I watch the sunrise crawling across her shoulder
This is usually goodbye
And yet those words I just can't find here as I hold her

She's like no other woman
That I have known before
And it ain't me to see the morning sun
From this side of the door

Chorus:

WHY AIN'T I RUNNING, WHY AIN'T I GONE
HOW DOES SHE HOLD ME WITHOUT HOLDING ON
IN LOVE OR A FIGHT SHE'S STRONGER THAN STRONG
SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT IF THERE AIN'T NOTHING WRONG
IT'S GOT ME WONDERING, WHY AIN'T I RUNNING
WHY AIN'T I GONE

All those words I left behind me
Praying they would never find me and my freedom
But if they stood right here beside me
They would never recognize me for all that she's done

Once happiness was only
Whenever I was on my own
So now why do I feel lonely
Any time that I'm alone

Repeat Chorus

No, they've never built a wall that high
Or made a chain that strong
And God ain't never made a place
I felt like I belong

Repeat Chorus

Talked to my cowboy again, he's amazing... It's kinda hard to believe I feel this way this fast, and those of you who have any business reading this are probably thinking "oh shit, I know whats coming, please tell me Im wrong" well, your not wrong. I really think I love him.. hell I know I do. It's scary to feel like this again, especially after I swore to myself I wouldn't do this. oh well. Im doing it. He's everything I've been looking for, and then some. The best part is he feels the same way, or at least says he does. You all know me (all what, 4 of you?), I may not second guess my own feelings, but everyone elses are up for careful scrutiny and fear. I think that's the biggest thing, Im afraid he's going to be like Tim... and if he were, I would never know. This isn't napa anymore, I don't have the drama grapevine to hear about it, all I have is the sound of his voice. And that, I must say, is incredibly soothing. Im not afraid when Im actually talking to him, it's only late at night when Im alone and can't sleep, which is every night. ahhh the joys of mania. I want to be with him all the time, but I know that it would be incredibly unwise to take that step now, because to do that, I would have to move to Oklahoma, and I think my mother would lose it. My sister is worried that he's some kind of psychopath, but that's only because she hasn't met him, and all she really knows about him is that he knew me for 2 days before he asked me to go out to oklahoma to visit. I guess if we switched places, and she was taking off with some guy she'd just met, I'd be just as scared. But I know he wouldn't hurt me. Yesterday was a blast, we went out for a ride on the boat, which was exhilarating, and then we ran out of gas, which was hilarious. We were almost to our boat lift, and the engine shuts off. Dad couldn't get it to stay going, so before we drifted out, my sisters just dove into the water with the rope and pulled the boat to the lift, we put it up there manually. After that with them already soaked, we all just jumped in. My brother and I wound up swimming for almost an hour. Then the storms started rolling back towards us, and it was time for dinner anyway, so we went in. It was a great day... I also got to talk to Mike for a couple hours between yahoo and the phone. I miss him. I guess that's all for now..

YAY!!! talked to my cowboy *dances* so damn good to hear his voice *dances* goin to see him the 18th *dances hardcore* I miss the lil bugger... he's scrawny but he's sweet as hell. The great news about the slight change in travel plans is I get the best of both worlds, a visit with my honey, and I still get to go to the hoedown. oh yeah... I hella win. (hehe... I said hella) I wish you all could meet him (like I could get his republican ass to go to Cali.. hehehe) I went to the bar after I talked to him tonight, and his uncle was there... and proceeded to refer to me as his future niece in law... oddly enough THAT didnt freak me out either... maybe cuz he was drunk, I dunno. Im a happy lil monkey. Thats about all for now. heheheh

I miss Mike...I'm not used to this, not this quick... It's wierd for me. I havent let go of his wrangler patch since he left. It's been in my hand or my pocket.... well I don't take it in the shower. Anyway... we put the boat in the water today... that sucked.. My lil brother is not real good with instructions, so when dad backed up then sped forward (to get the boat off the trailor) my bro started pullin the rope... thus keeping it half on the trailor, and headed toward shore. so I had to jump in the water to push it out. as I am sopping wet and pushin for all Im worth, Im think, this is water, shouldnt be so damned hard to push, so I turn around and hes STILL pullin the damned rope. I told him to let go, or at least give me some slack. finally he gets the idea, lets go of the rope, and giggles. I push the damn thing to the next dock so my dad can get in, and start walkin back to the house to change my clothes... wasnt plannin on going for a swim, so I was FULLY dressed. I walked in the house and my sis beat me there, looks up and says "you goin with us on the boat, or you wanna change first?" Im standing there, pissed off, dripping on the damned carpet. "I think I'll change sweetie... Im a lil muddy" the boat ride was fun tho, that thing has some get up and go... we got a 2 person tube, some rope, and life jackets, so when the weather heats up again we're gonna go tubing. YAY! thats about it for now. I miss mike.

I guess I should do some follow up on the whole going to my dads thing... I told him to shove it, basically, but a little nicer. It's not that all is better here, but running from my problems only leads to more of them, and burning bridges is never a real good idea. Things are better here, somewhat. My dad isn't a real reliable person, I kinda get the feeling it wouldnt have happened anyway, but at least this way its me walking away, not him ultimately letting me down again, even if I know he would have, its not so bad if I dont actually give him the chance, if you can understand that one. makes perfect sense to me. SO Im still going to visit this summer, but its a no strings attatched kind of thing, just a visit, hello, nice to see you, maybe we'll get together again in another year. so... yeah, that about covers it

I heard from mike today, kind of, I had a couple of IM's thru yahoo from him, nothin major. Just tellin me he loves me and misses me... oddly enough, that DIDNT freak me out. I know, I know, Im either losin it, or something is seriously different about this one. I dont know which one of the two Im betting on just yet, we'll see. I am just gettin over some kind of stomach bug, nothing too serious, just damned unpleasant, I dont know if it was something I ate, or a new manifestation of the allergic reaction I've been fighting all week. I just know it sucked. I sprayed my pillows with Mikes cologne... now I think I might be crackin up. Fluffy is going to go live with Ron on friday, I cant handle another one of these allergic reactions, its almost been a week and the swelling in my finger isnt going down at all... my eye is better tho. thats nice. for those who dont know, fluffy is my tarantula, she was great at first, no biting, no hair kicking, but she kicked a bunch of hairs last friday, and I almost think it would have been better if she'd bit me. It would hurt less in the long run. Thats all for now, Im obviously rambling.

wow, this has certainly been a whirlwind weekend. Orion and I broke up, not like Im all heartbroken on that one, I never really saw him anyway, but then 6 hours later I was sittin in my bar, talkin to some friends and watching M.'s wife glare at me, when an adorable young man in army greens walked in. I watched him for a while, and my thought process went as follows "nice ass.... bet he doesnt have to buy himself a drink all night in that outfit.... wonder if I can have him." about ten minutes later he's standin 3 feet away from me, so I told him to have a seat. He sat beside me, and neither one of us really said much until after I got up and danced drifter with bonnie. when I sat back down it was a relatively slow song, and the young soldier introduced himself as Mike. He asked if I knew how to 2 step, and I told him I had never tried, so he offered to teach me. within half an hour we had 2 stepped every song (they were all pretty slow) and kissed. a lot. turns out he is stationed at fort sill in oklahoma, 21, rides bareback and saddle bronc events, used to be a calf roper, line dances, sings, and is crazy about me. Im going out to OK in 2 weeks to be his arm candy at an artillery ball, among other things. He wants me to move out there in june or July, but Im holding off on that for a few reasons 1) I dont know him ALL that well, 2) my stepdad goes in for knee surgery, and I dont know how long I will be needed to take care of soccer mom type duties here, and 3) I dont know where or how I can go to school out there. That and I think my mother would have a coronary if I moved half way across the country with a man I JUST started seein. We'll see what happens. he leaves for OK in a couple of hours, so I'll talk to him around 3 or 4 when his plane lands. I guess I should go to sleep.



Like the Rain
~Clint Black

I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you
Every thunder cloud that came was one more I might not get through
On the darkest day there's always light and now I see it too
But I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you
I hear it falling in the night and filling up my mind
All the heaven's rivers come to light and I see it all unwind
I hear it talking through the trees and on the window pane
And when I hear it I just can't believe I never liked the rain

Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Liked the rain always calling for you I'm falling for you now
Just like the rain

When the cloud is rolling over thunder striking me
It's as bright as lightning and I wonder why I couldn't see
That it's always good and when the flood is gone we still remain
Guess I've known all along I just belong here with you falling

Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Liked the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now
Just like the rain I have fallen for you
I'm falling for you know just like the rain

And when the night falls on our better days
And we're looking to the sky
For the winds to take us high above the plains
I know that we'll find better ways to look into the eye
of the storms that will be calling
Forever we'll be falling

Like the rain I have fallen for you, and I know just why you
Like the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just
Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you
Like the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now just
Like the rain
Like the rain
Like the rain
Like the rain
Like the rain
Like the rain
Like the rain